the most haunting of images

It lives in my head, the most haunting of images. And while most would assume it would be that of my lifeless baby, it actually isn’t.

It is the image of my husband sitting, with his head in his hands, at the end of a long hospital corridor. I saw that, and knew it was over.

Because had there been any glimmer of hope, he would have been in the room with Oliver, while they were trying to revive him. But they had been shocking his heart for 30 minutes with nothing to show but faces of solemnity. Someone had suggested my husband wait outside the triage room, in the hallway.

And when I came rushing in to the hospital, a (very slow) nurse accompanied me to the triage room. But I left her behind as I ran up to my husband. And he looked up at me with broken, sad eyes. And his eyes confirmed what I had assumed by seeing him sitting, with his head in his hands, at the end of a long hospital corridor.

 

Author: unaffected

Infertile mother to a 4-year-old and a 1-year-old twinless twin. Surviving motherhood after infant loss.

2 thoughts on “the most haunting of images”

  1. I have read your blog ever since I started following your story on TWW. I am so very sorry this happened to you and your family. I cannot imagine the pain you feel everyday. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Congratulations on your new baby girl.

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  2. I’m crying because I can’t even imagine the sinking heart you had and the look on your husband’s face. I’m so sorry you had to live through this and that you have these awful images burned into your mind. It’s not fair and I know it’s naive to say it’s not fair…but it’s not. No one should have to go through what you have been through. The strength you have is nothing short of amazing.

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