my defining statistic

It’s National Infertility Awareness Week.

My Facebook feed is filled with graphics proclaiming “I am 1 in 8”. My feed is filled with these because I have a LOT of friends who struggled with infertility. We connected over our struggles to conceive. I am infertile. And it sucks.

How did I get so terribly unlucky to always be on the wrong side of statistics? 1 in 4 (pregnancy loss), 1 in 8 (infertility), and 1 in 2500 (give or take).

1 in 2500. The most recent statistic of babies per year who die from SIDS.

Just the mere fact that I am having to Google “how many babies per year die from SIDS?” is utterly depressing, in the minimum.

Infertility was hard. Soul-sucking. It dominated YEARS of my life. But now, what I wouldn’t give for that to be the worst of my defining statistics. Because this struggle I face now… the death of a baby after trying SO HARD to have the baby… it’s nothing short of brutal, heartbreaking, debilitating.

And National Infertility Awareness Week is just another reminder of what my life was like before. Of how things can always be worse. And of my sweet IVF baby boy, Oliver.

Oliver profile picture


Author: unaffected

Infertile mother to a 4-year-old and a 1-year-old twinless twin. Surviving motherhood after infant loss.

3 thoughts on “my defining statistic”

  1. The IF world lives and dies by numbers in every aspect of conceiving and birthing a child. It’s just not right that you still have to think about those types of numbers after having a child (or children). I’m so very sorry you are hurting. I almost didn’t want to keep scrolling to see that sweet boy of yours because it tears my heart out every time I do…but I did. SIDS is real and HE is real and your pain is real. And I don’t have words to express what I’m trying to say. I’m sorry to babble. I just hurt for you so much and I wish I could take the pain and loss away. ((hugs))


  2. Nobody should ever lose a child. Never. However, it seems so much more completely unfair to have to go through this kind of loss after infertility. My heart continues to go out to you.


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