Beyonce is having twins. Haven’t you heard? Unless you live, well, nevermind. I know you’ve heard.
It’s everywhere. Her announcement photo. Memes about her announcement photo. Memes saying “I had twins before Beyonce made it cool.”
And I can’t avoid it. I cannot get it out of my face. It’s everywhere, and each day a new something to be shared all over my newsfeed.
And I can’t step away from Facebook, because it is essential to my job.
I want twins again. I want Oliver to be here. It’s not FAIR. I hate saying that, because I feel like a 6-year-old. But fuck. It’s not fair. IT’S NOT FAIR.
Recently, I’ve been reliving so much of the time around Oliver’s death. Not full days, ever, but specific hours of certain days. Specific happenings. Crying in the car. Crying at the computer. Crying as we moved in to our new house. A house that Oliver was never in.
This is not cohesive, I know. My brain is not organized enough right now to write a post that makes much sense.
I just miss my boy so, so, so much. I see photos of 3-month-olds, and 4-month-olds, and I want him back. I want him back so desperately.