two months

Today marks two months since Oliver’s death.

He was supposed to be the first of my babies to look like me. Avery looks just like Henry when he was a baby, and Henry is a spitting image of dad. But Oliver, he had a different look. I joked that it was about time one of them looked like me, since I did all the work getting them here.

I hate that I’ll never see what he looks like as he would have grown. Looking back on the photos from two months ago, I definitely see changes in Avery since then, and I can’t help but wonder what Oliver would look like now. How long would his hair be? Would it be blonde, like we thought it was starting to come in as? Would his eyes still be piercingly blue? Would he be crawling? Sitting up? Laughing and babbling, like Avery?

It feels so surreal most of the time, but right now, it feels so, so real and it hurts so badly 😦


Author: unaffected

Infertile mother to a 4-year-old and a 1-year-old twinless twin. Surviving motherhood after infant loss.

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