easier, but so much more difficult

I hate that my life with kids is so much “easier” now that Oliver is gone.

Twins are fucking hard. Especially newborn twins. And a toddler. But now, things aren’t really that hard. I mean, other than having a 3.5 year old. That can be trying. But not anything like what a circus act we were, doing anything out of the house.

I want him back so badly. Each time we easily pack up and go to the store, go to an event, go anywhere, it’s a painful, gut-wrenching reminder of losing him. I desperately want to go back in time.

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Author: unaffected

Infertile mother to a 4-year-old and a 1-year-old twinless twin. Surviving motherhood after infant loss.

2 thoughts on “easier, but so much more difficult”

  1. I am so sorry for your incredible loss! I had followed you through infertility and when you posted the other day I would have never expected such heartache. My thoughts and prayers are with you all!

    Like

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